fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
