Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
