I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
