Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
