I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
