guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
