put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The air taste purple.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
