I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
