My hand turned me down
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize