batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
