Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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