we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
