After last night, I could never be a politician.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
