You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
