gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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