On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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