I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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