I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
