So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
