highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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