mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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