so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
