SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
