So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
