he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
