I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
