she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can I color on your dick again?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
