If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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