I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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