So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
