yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
