Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
