Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.