We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP