hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.