when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
