PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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