he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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