he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
