dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
