I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
