totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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