Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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