I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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