Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
