man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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