I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
