I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
