so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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