My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
try to milk me bitch
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