she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
