PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize