Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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