Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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