just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
