he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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