nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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