please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
