Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
