Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
