How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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