turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
