Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
