OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
