I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
