Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
