I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
