I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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