My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm getting married
To pizza
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize