Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
