Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
