Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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