fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
