My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
