I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
