woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
