I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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