I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
