I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
