Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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