I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
