No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
