he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
