eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
