You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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