the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
