yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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