In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
