Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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